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How Do Women Use Children as Weapons Against Men?

Half of the men lose contact with their children post-separation. You don’t have to.

There are women that emotionally abuse men. There are men that stay in abusive relationships with women. But there are also a handful of men who end the abusive relationship.

Sometimes the abuse doesn’t stop with the end of the relationship, especially if there are children involved. I know too many men who have children with toxic, abusive and narcissistic women.

These women emotionally, financially and psychologically continue to abuse these men. But not only men — they abuse children too. They use them as weapons to get what and when they want from these men.

The legal system protects these abusers.

There is a presumption amongst the society that somehow children should always stay with their mother. Mothers are still more likely to get custody when parents divorce. The standard used in the custody award should be in the “interest of the child”.

The standard used is in the “interest of the mother”.

You see, there are many malicious mothers out there. They are angry that the men who they wished to control have left them. Many of these women got pregnant just in order to keep the man.

When the game plan doesn’t work out and the men leave them but not their children — they seek revenge.

“If you don’t let me have the child this weekend I won’t let them see you again”

Women use this threat quite often. They imply rules on their man and if they don’t oblige they threaten to cut contact.

This threat once said by a woman is always remembered by the man.

Legally — women have no right to do this.

But it will take years of going back and forth to court for the court to actually do something about this and usually, it would be just a slap on the hand. After all, it’s already in the best interests of the child to be with the mother.

The best thing men can do is have a court visitation order and stick to the dates when they are supposed to see their children. If and when the mother doesn’t allow visitations you should make notes of these dates, gather evidence and call the police to secure that the child is given to you.

This way you are able to re-enforce the order.

Upset women may even go so far as to try and interfere with visitations and manipulate children into refusing to see their father. They will pretend as if the child has a “choice” when to see the other parent, disregarding the court order.

They might on purpose mix and forget court dates just to cause trouble but they are unaware that they are hurting the children most.

They poison the child’s mind.

Child manipulation should be punishable by a prison sentence. Some of the manipulations of children can be so nasty: women can speak badly about the father and create false memories, blame the father for “leaving” and project their own insecurities on the children.

This way children grow up with a very distorted picture of their parents. They can’t believe their own memories and their parents. Often these kids end up blaming themselves for everything that happened to their parents.

It is not children’s fault.

Courts are not protecting these children. Social services are filled with uneducated employees which have thousands of cases to deal with. My friend dealt with a British social service worker who didn’t know that Germany is located in Europe.

How can these workers then know more in-depth manipulation tactics such as “parental alienation”?

In the UK, anybody can become a social worker — it’s way easier than getting a college degree. And it hits you when you realize that these people decide the fates of our children.

Mothers reduce the contact. Many narcissistic, malicious or just plain upset mothers do all in their power to reduce the contact between the child and the father.

They try to interfere whenever there should be contact with the other parent. They often monitor telephone contact. My friend’s ex-partner hides the phone and puts it on silent whenever he tries to call his children.

If you secure your contact order make sure to add the “contact” arrangements such as telephone contact, email or any other online form aside from psychical contact.

They seek money. They are women who get pregnant only to keep the man in their life. They want an easy life — they want their man to provide for them. When the man exists the abusive relationship and children are given to mothers quite often, they will do everything in their power to increase child support payments.

There are women which will go to great lengths to show that their children are sick even though it’s healthy just to claim social benefits, they will lie on the forms and increase the amount that their ex-spouse is earning just to receive bigger child support.

While child support will be in the process, they will start threatening that because you haven’t paid child support you won’t be seeing the children.

These women can’t legally stop you from seeing your kids if you have parental responsibility.

Let them try to cause havoc — just keep being present in your child’s life, however hard it will be.

They use the child as the “middle man”. These women use children as messengers to deliver information to the other parent. They are putting the responsibility on 10-year-olds to remember when they are to see their father, or what to pack on their next visitation trip. They wish to make the child feel uncomfortable and tire them down with such a responsibility.

Then they can tell children that “it’s all Daddy’s fault that now you have to remember and circle down visitations days in the calendar”“it’s your Daddy who left you because he didn’t love you enough”.

They inflict fear.

These women want to inflict fear upon their ex-partners and their children. If they manage to inflict fear then perhaps they will be able to control kids. That’s why fathers have to be the “safe” place for their children and never speak poorly about the mothers.

They have to be the stability that the child doesn’t have with the mother.

Children grow up — they learn, they make mistakes and they fall.

Be there waiting for them to pick them up and help rebuild their confidence when they are ready to listen. When there is no malicious mother to monitor their calls.

Fathers make difference as long as they are nearby, waiting for their children to come back home.

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